Are you finding it harder and harder to dismiss your husband’s verbal abuse? Perhaps it has become so painful now that you can’t allow what he says to roll off your back? Also, are you less inclined to believe him when he states that you’re the problem—because you’re too sensitive, for example? You may be seriously considering that, just because he relies upon verbal abuse alone, this doesn’t mean that you aren’t living in the midst of an abusive relationship.
If you’re ready for validation that you’re seeing things correctly, you'll want to investigate a book I’ve recommended to women for years. Actually, when I was overseas and working as a civilian clinical social worker for the military in domestic violence prevention, I mentioned The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans to colleagues who weren’t aware of this helpful book. They ended up buying multiple copies for the office—after I kept struggling to get back my two copies that they kept loaning out to their clients.
From my experience with women in verbally abusive relationships who seemed to want to deny the truth about what they were facing (they minimized it because what they faced was not physical abuse), this self-help book probably does the best job of opening their eyes of any of them out there. I’ve seen a number of verbally abused women live with the butterflies of anxiety constantly swirling in their stomachs, and yet these were not sufficient enough to make these women take notice and conclude that indeed, there was something wrong with their relationships in order to cause this type of ongoing anxiety in the first place.
Fortunately, though, what was said in The Verbally Abusive Relationship hit home.
“Oh, my husband does that and that and that,” we'd invariably hear women say as they scanned the pages of this book.
“My boyfriend put me down just the other day," another might exclaim. "And believe it or not, he used almost the exact same words." There would be a ring of disbelief attacked to her words, needless to say. Really, how could this author get it so right?
Yes indeed, how could Patricia Evans write a book that basically tells it like it is, providing scenarios that you’re only too familiar with, and complete with dialogue that you could have written yourself?
Well, Patricia Evans could write The Verbally Abusive Relationship because abusive men make much ado about the same types of things. Yes indeed, and this is true despite the fact your boyfriend or spouse would have you believe that other men don’t deal with anything like what you put him through! Also, abusive men almost always say the exact same things. This means they often use the same swear or cuss words while they denigrate your character, for example. So, that’s why when you read The Verbally Abusive Relationship, you may wonder if Patricia Evans had hidden cameras at your house where by she recorded every putdown your partner ever made. And that’s also why, as you reas this book, you’ll swear these men attended abuse school--that they were all forced to memorize the same text, in fact.
Personally, when I first read The Verbally Abusive Relationship, I was indeed shocked. There was one scenario presented that I'd experienced with my verbally abusive husband that I’d believed was probably not a particularly common one. Nevertheless, all I had to do was change one word, and it could have been a direct quote from my narcissistic and verbally abusive husband. See, at the time, my spouse apparently wanted me to feel guilty for attending to my course work for the Ph.D. I was pursuing, versus attending to the upkeep of our house on a constant basis. To listen to him, you'd think that if I didn’t make this house’s care my daily focus, this recently remodeled structure, that was less than thirty-years-old anyway, was going to collapse around me as I typed away at my keyboard. But of course, that didn't happen because I was quite capable of attending to both tasks. And, quite frankly, doing both well was important to me. In f act, the appearance of our house was about as important to me as doing well at school because I’d always loved interior decorating as much as I liked studying and writing about human behavior.
Through reading The Verbally Abusive Relationship as well as Evan’s follow-up book based upon letters she later received from verbal abuse survivors, you'll realize that your partner talks the way he does to you because indeed, he is an abusive man. Furthermore, the odds are that he won’t change. However, you might change from living with him and enduring all that verbal abuse. After all, living in such a toxic environment can change your brain. You might even develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as the result of living with a verbally abusive narcissist.
If you’ve been allowing those butterflies to swirl in your stomach day after day while you listen to your partner put you down, do yourself a favor and buy The Verbally Abusive Relationship today. Somehow, I suspect you won’t come to regret it. Instead, you’ll likely be able to become unstuck—or to take action to free yourself of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. In other words, you'll find the will and the way to reclaim your personal power and your life. And frankly, this will be a very good thing.