The woman in a relationship with a narcissist who abuses her verbally or emotionally or psychologically or economically or sexually--the ways the narcissist is typically most inclined to abuse his partner--is typically aware that she is full of fear. After all, over time, she's typically drowning in it. On the other hand, her abusive narcissistic partner might appear to lack any fear of anything. But in truth, he's impacted by fear, too. The thing is, his fear is operating at an unconscious level. For this reason, he remains unaware of how fear drives him.
In truth, the narcissistic man may sense that his position of power--whether in the home or at the workplace--is tenuous. Yes indeed, it could topple at anytime. That said, the narcissist fails to realize that
the prospect of falling from a position of power can seem as ominous as death to someone like him suffering from a pathological level of narcissism. So, to ensure he doesn't experience such a fall, the narcissist is driven to keep all subjects in line. At home, this will include his wife and children. In the workplace, he'll strive to do the same with his employees.
The financially and professionally successful narcissist may cast his wife into a subservient role. Yes indeed, he'll expect her to essentially become his servant. For that matter, he may treat his children similarly. This makes more sense when you realize the narcissist operates from a personal world view whereby he perceives himself to be the superior one--he gets to play the better than role or to have power over others. In doing this, the narcissist keeps his bad feelings at bay. So, the narcissist feels good about himself while those in his midst are inclined to feel increasingly miserable. After all, he maintains power over them while insisting they play the lesser than role.
Have things gotten worse for women marred to financially successful narcissists? Why do I even ask this question? Well, because narcissistic men probably can't get their neeeds fulfilled as easily in the workplace as they once did. Certainly, more and more types of behaviors simply will not be tolerated. There is the potential for costly lawsuits--as well as the loss of one's perhaps lofty position--if certain laws are disregarded. Thus, I do suspect some narcissists might feel compelled to exercise even more control in the home than they did previously.
To clarify what I just said a bit further, successful narcissists once could operate from what might be described as positional power. But it is no longer as acceptable and viable to act from positional power as it once was. In our country today--and increasingly throughout the world--people expect to be treated as worthy merely because they’re human being walking the face of this earth. As a result, while previously individuals were socialized to accept power over in the work force, many business leaders have recognized a need to shift away from this. They’ve come to realize what behavioral or social scientists have professed for a long time: You get the best out of people, or a business will be the most competitive, when employees are empowered versus ruled over and dictated to by the king and his court.
Needless to say, this change has been difficult for many of the kings out there--those displaying pathological levels of narcissism, that is. But of course, many of these narcissistic men are in positions of power because they strove hard to attain them. Furthermore, hey strove hard to attain them beacuse they love power (which helps them to make money, their true metric of success). You also must remember that these narcissist ought many a battle to achieve these positions because they perceive themselves as warriors. Hence, hey won’t hesitate to go to war to maintain their positions of power, either.
You must realize something else, too. Those suffering from pathologcial levels of narcissism only believe in winning. Furthermore, they'll use any means to achieve the ends they desire. See In their minds, the end always justifies the means. Then again, it’s easy for them to do what they see as needing to be done since they lack empathy for their fellow man. No, the narcissistic do not hesitate to trample down others on their rise to the top. After all, most other people (other than those of their own kind) are perceived as objects to be used for their personal gain.
As long as a person is perceived as being of value, the narcissist might treat the individual decently. But once the person has served his purpose (or proven to be disloyal and hence, worthy of annihilation), he or she can be tossed aside by the narcissist with no feelings of remorse or sympathy for the emotional pain or personal hardship this might be creating for the other.
In truth, though, narcissists are people who never seem to overcome a sense of inner emptiness and a feeling of not being enough. Well, for that matter, nothing is ever enough to bring them a sense of satisfaction, either. Most will be forever driven to achieve more power and money yet--no matter how much they already might have of both.
While many of us who do not suffer from pathologcial levels of narcissism might believe that we would want to ultimately lay such an approach to life aside and hence, we'd seek therapy to achieve this goal, the narcissistic typically feels no need to change. Despite those feelings of emptiness which might come to the fore from time to time, they're apt to point out that indeed, they're the ones so many others admire and envy.
Yes, this is what the narcissistic are inclined to think or believe when this might not be the case at all. why is this the case? Well, because many of the narcissistic are actually envious of other people. For example, the narcissist might envy the athletic or artistic abilities of others. However, since this envy is outside the narcissist's level of consciousness, he'll project onto others what is happening for him psychologically. Due to projection, in other words, a narcissist becomes convinced others are envious of him.
That all said, the narcissist may create a number of elaborate and gorgeous stages on which to play out his life. Nevertheless, he is basically acting. You might say the narcissist's heart isn't really into what he's doing because he has no heart to give.
At the end of the narcissist's time here on earth, the curtain may fall on a life that others might indeed have envied because it all looked so good. For the narcissist, though, we can assume it nonetheless failed to provide true happiness and contentment.
Sure, during the course of his life, the narcissist may never have spoken of his level of discontent. The narcissist isn't about to allow that carefully crafted mask to slip, in other words. However, the unhappiness of the narcissist's likely verbally or emotionally or psychologically or economically or sexually abused wife (and the likely presence of unhappy abused children and employees in his current or former life, too) should attest to the fact that despite his achievements, it might not have been a life so well-lived after all.
Although the narcissist may never have been able to perceive the truth about himself and his life, his life never provided all he desired because indeed, it was a life lived spiritually bankrupt.